That’s Not What I Do

This past week I experienced the “stink eye.” It’s not something new to me as a high school English teacher and, of course, whenever I was socially introduced

and my profession was revealed, nearly everyone made a stuttering comment about watching how they speak or worried that I might think they were uneducated. At first I would assure them and explain the spoken word is very different from the written word and then I’d whip out visual aids to supplement their understanding… Okay, not really… but at the end I did assure them I would not be judging them while I took a long sip from my “I am silently correcting your grammar” mug.

Fast forward to my newest profession: mental health counselor. When introduced by this profession, I often get the “stink eye” as if I had head lice or ringworm… I was certainly to be avoided. Or I get the“frozen look”--you know, when you pretend if you don’t move then you can’t be seen. If I could see you, perhaps you believe I magically know all about you…all you have to do is shake my hand...

Whether it be “stink eye,” “frozen look” or the dreaded “frozen stink eye,” I wonder what people think I do?

I do not, for example, search everything said, body language, the smallest

facial or hand gesture and rate you on the “crazy scale” and I do not have a big red

stamp to place on your forehead that reads “crazy.” That’s not in any way, shape

or form, what I do. What I do most of all is listen. And if you are thinking, “hell, I

could do that” ask yourself when was the last time you listened or felt listened to?

Most people listen only long enough to respond. To give advice. To fix you. To solve

your problem. That is not what I do.

I am, in many ways, a neutral, listening ear. I may ask questions to clarify

what you’ve experienced. I may explore how an experience made you feel. I may

even help you look at what you want out of your human interactions and how you

envision a satisfying and fulfilling life. My clients, much like the rest of all humans,

are the problems in their lives, but they also are very much their own solution.

Since I really listen to you, I can help YOU complete the puzzle with your own

strengths and talents. What I do is walk beside you offering observations and

insights. And what I feel is honored to be asked to share a leg of your life’s journey.